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Sassy MoFos Featured on BUSHFLASH.COM Radio PodCast Episode #9
Just a quick note to let you know Eric Blumrich's great website, BushFlash.com, included our tune, "I Won't Be Dick Cheney's Bitch" on BushFlash Radio Episode #9. We are the 4th song on the show. Who would have ever thunk Wyclef Jean would open for us. Only in the Podcast world I guess. The link to the Radio Show is on the front page, right hand side, and a quick scroll down on www.bushflash.com. If you get a chance to check it out, do so and if you have the time, write him a quick note to thank him for including us and doing such good work for the country.
Tung Chee Hwa, Staff Writer – United Sass International News, Plc
March 16, 2007, 17:36 GMT
Hong Kong – Longtime Sassy MoFoS drummer Just Hal was confirmed to have fled his home country of the United States yesterday and is reported to be hiding out in a remote area of Hong Kong, according to statements from domestic and international law enforcement agencies.
Hal, whose metronome-sharp drum chops spice up the band’s latest album release, Sassy Is The Night, has by far the group’s longest arrest record and is alleged to have committed numerous parole violations in recent months, according to police in his home state of Tennessee.
“Hal has a rap sheet longer than a possum’s tail, but much more hairy,” said James T. Parton, the Tennessee Highway Patrol officer who spearheaded a high-speed car chase of the fugitive through Middle Tennessee in early March. “We had seven squad cars after him, but he still gave us the slip. That bastard sure has some car-handling skills – he drives like a goddamned robot.”
Parton said Hal’s 1968 six-cylinder Chevrolet Impala, which the rock giant affectionately called “The Barracuda”, was recovered around midnight on March 2 in the still-icy waters of the Mississippi River next to a container port in Memphis.
“We suspect he was headed to Graceland to pay his respects to Elvis – who Hal insisted was still The King – but he apparently decided the risk was too great and hopped aboard a container vessel bound for the Mississippi Delta after ditching his car in the river,” Parton said.
“His car was still floating when we found it; such was the size and buoyancy of the custom chrome headers that Hal had recently installed. Say what you will about his criminal record, but that boy sure has an eye for automobile aesthetics.”
Although US federal law enforcement officials said they are still not certain of Hal’s escape route, one official who requested anonymity said he believes the fugitive changed ships in New Orleans, where he is thought to have boarded a larger container vessel bound for Hong Kong and Taiwan.
“Eyewitnesses reported seeing a muscular white man with a peculiar mustache boarding a South Korean-registered container vessel in the early morning hours of March 4,” said the source. “This vessel was already under surveillance due to its association with the smuggling of humans from southern Chinese port cities such as Xiamen, Fuzhou Province to the United States and Canada.
“Now it looks like those damned snake heads are doing the smuggling in reverse.”
Hal, who is known to be fluent in both Cantonese and Mandarin Chinese, studied Classical Chinese and Asian History in university before dropping out to allow more time to battle his mounting felony charges, which included automobile theft, embezzlement, grand larceny and a litany of class-B substance violations, according to police in his hometown of Mount Pleasant, Tennessee.
“He loved Mount Pleasant, where he always said ‘the men are men and the sheep are nervous’,” said high school buddy Russ Ownby. “But he always said he wanted to visit China and eventually make his way to Central Asia, where the sheep are said to cover the steppes like heavenly fields of cotton.”
Hal also is said to have a knack for computers and had become increasingly tech-savvy over the years, ever since his first viewing of 2001 Space Odyssey prompted him to prove that computers were not necessarily evil, former associates said.
“This quest even led him to briefly forsake his punk-rock roots by branching into 80s New Wave bands such as Depeche Mode and New Order,” said longtime friend Naropa Fowler. “But by the time that Orchestral Manouvres in the Dark released their first album, Hal realized that he was definitely heterosexual and turned his back forever on synthetic drumbeats.”
The enigmatic fugitive is now believed to be hiding in a squatter village near the township of Shatin, in the New Territories of Hong Kong, according to both Interpol and Hong Kong police officials.
“We believe he is planning to shift his location to the renegade province of Taiwan,” said Lee Ma Tsui of the Hong Kong Police Department. “We have just received an anonymous tip that Hal has shaved his dodgy porn stash and is planning to board a small vessel bound for Taiwan, where he is said to be planning a visit to the Hsinchu Science Park in order to discuss new micro-chip technology with scientists there.”
Hal’s escape comes at a critical period for The Sassy MoFoS, who are preparing a west-coast house party tour following the release of their second album.
“We’ve had all manner of problems with the line-up,” said veteran vocalist Slikker Dee, known to groupies as ‘Slikkus Dikkus’ and ‘The Slikkmacculate Concepcion’. “First it was bassist Abdullah Schmuckler’s ‘lost weekend’ when we thought he’d been abducted, then he decided to have his foreskin removed the very weekend of our March 24 house party in Carlsbad.
“Now we not only have to find a bass player to stand in for Abdullah, but we’ve had to replace Hal altogether, so we’re lookin’ at a whole new rhythm section for jiminy crickets!”
In an ironic twist of events, The Sassy MoFoS have managed to source a Hong Kong drummer for the event. The percussionist, Lee Hong Chee, is well-known in Asia for his subtle, eclectic and understated drum stylings, but is slowly establishing himself in the San Diego area by playing with up-and-coming garage bands such as Gothic Possum and Aleister Grey and the Underdogmanic.
“Yep, we may have lost Hal to Hong Kong, but Hong Kong’s loss is our gain in Lee Hong Chee,” said MoFoS guitarist and principal songwriter Slappy Tee. “Old Hong Chee might change tempos a lot, but he sure can whale on them drums when he’s not tossing back too much of that pure-grain rice wine he loves so much.
“He might not have Hal’s taste in music, automobiles and farm animals, but at least we don’t have to worry about him becoming an international fugitive of justice.”
With additional reporting from Memphis and Taipei bureaus.
;We've reached #3 on Soundclick.com's Alt Punk Charts as of today. You warm the ventricles of our little hearts and we'll never forget ya...hell we might be playing a show in your living room soon! Ya never know...always look through the peephole when someone knocks...cuz ya never know what kind of MoFo lies beyond and wants to pogo and spill beer on your couch.
For those who haven't heard the new tune or for those of ya who just want to support us in reaching #1 and for those two of ya who really dig the tune, here's the link again:
The Sassy MoFoS music
Cheerios,
Slikker Dee
PS: Grab a San Diego Reader this week, I heard yet again that we might be in there this week in the Blurt section
"SASSY IS THE NIGHT", the Brand Spankin' New Album is done. We've finished recording all the songs and it should be out before the end of the year. Keep your eyes and ears peeled to see when we'll be releasing it. It should be available directly from us or Myspace.com, .
Jay Allen Sanford of The San Diego Reader and Rock and Roll Comix has written an article about us that hopefully will be in an upcoming SD Reader - Blurt Section. Keep a look out for it.
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